Buonasera, Caffe

This month I have decided to try and cut coffee out of my diet.

coffee, not caffeine. I'm not crazy y'all.

I have a secret.  It's not that juicy of a secret and if you know me, you've probably already picked up on it.  But I have a really hard time maintaining focus and often forget my train of thought.  I forget things I have just been told, where I'm going, and loose stuff constantly.  I'm certain that I have ADHD.

Now, coffee makes this 60x worse for me.  My mind can not handle the amount of caffeine that coffee has in it.  I get overloaded and can't function smoothly enough to finish tasks or have a steady thought process.  Don't get me wrong,  I am SO much fun on coffee.  (dancing, leaping, and twirling about) but I'm not productive at all.

This decision to live more efficiently vs living sporatically came with hurdles.

I have to be awake.  This full time student and full time manager NEEDS CAFFEINE!

So, I've started:
 1. Eating cleaner:  Goodbye Jack's pizzas! Oh how I'll miss you, Dominos stuffed cheesy bread! Root Beer.. I don't                    know how I can live without you.. maybe we could have an affair behind Water's back.
 2. Drinking Tea: Green Tea, Herbal Tea, and Black Tea.


We'll have to see if I can keep this up.

But what I am enjoying is waking up in the morning and picking out what tea I want to start with.  I always thought that there was nothing like a waking up on a dewy morning and hugging a warm cup of coffee while listening to the birds wake up.
But I've found that sleepily dunking the tea bag, baptizing it into the steamy water while listening to my hozier pandora makes for lovely mornings as well.

Time for tea, Loves

Heavy Hearted Wine Wednesdays

Here I am.
Drunk.
It's 3 a.m.
On a Wednesday.
I have to be awake in 4 hours.
After smashing an entire bottle of wine (which I've never down by myself before) #winewednesday
About to break up with a man that I thought I was gonna marry.

I'm debating whether or not to edit this in the morning because if I edit it, then maybe y'all won't believe me when I say that I'm drunk.  I honestly can't remember the last time I was drunk by myself.  It's always a recipe for disaster.  There's no one to distract me from texting an ex or to talk to so I just sit here and refill my empty wine glass with tears.
But not tonight.

Truth is: This is the happiest I've been in a long time.  Am I going to hell for admitting that?

I hurt for him and I hurt for the person I used to be.  But I have been so burdened.  But yet, the happiness is brief and is immediately over flooded with uncertainty for the future.
Where do I go from here?
Maybe I should adopt some cats or start knitting again?  I do still have that blanket that I have to finish crocheting.  That would make an awesome Christmas gift... I could save some money. 

I feel like a completely different person.  I need a new look.. Maybe I'll cut all my hair off? NO, I'll dye it!  yea.. then I'll dye all my clothes black and splatter them with bleach so they get this edgy acid wash look to them! That's artsy and will make me look complex and brooding. 

I want to reinvent myself.  I want to be the furtherest person than who I am right now.  Maybe that will make missing him less painful.



SON OF A BISCUIT FARMER! I think I'm gonna hire someone to make tough decisions for me.  Like that one guy George Clooney plays in Up In The Air where he goes around firing people.. Yea, I need my own George Clooney. 


Things don't end unless they end badly.


"You'll find it that it is necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that they are heavy"