Heavy Hearted Wine Wednesdays

Here I am.
Drunk.
It's 3 a.m.
On a Wednesday.
I have to be awake in 4 hours.
After smashing an entire bottle of wine (which I've never down by myself before) #winewednesday
About to break up with a man that I thought I was gonna marry.

I'm debating whether or not to edit this in the morning because if I edit it, then maybe y'all won't believe me when I say that I'm drunk.  I honestly can't remember the last time I was drunk by myself.  It's always a recipe for disaster.  There's no one to distract me from texting an ex or to talk to so I just sit here and refill my empty wine glass with tears.
But not tonight.

Truth is: This is the happiest I've been in a long time.  Am I going to hell for admitting that?

I hurt for him and I hurt for the person I used to be.  But I have been so burdened.  But yet, the happiness is brief and is immediately over flooded with uncertainty for the future.
Where do I go from here?
Maybe I should adopt some cats or start knitting again?  I do still have that blanket that I have to finish crocheting.  That would make an awesome Christmas gift... I could save some money. 

I feel like a completely different person.  I need a new look.. Maybe I'll cut all my hair off? NO, I'll dye it!  yea.. then I'll dye all my clothes black and splatter them with bleach so they get this edgy acid wash look to them! That's artsy and will make me look complex and brooding. 

I want to reinvent myself.  I want to be the furtherest person than who I am right now.  Maybe that will make missing him less painful.



SON OF A BISCUIT FARMER! I think I'm gonna hire someone to make tough decisions for me.  Like that one guy George Clooney plays in Up In The Air where he goes around firing people.. Yea, I need my own George Clooney. 


Things don't end unless they end badly.


"You'll find it that it is necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that they are heavy"